My Homeschool Mom Guilt…Struggles in my Homeschool Life
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It’s not all a bed of roses…
If you were thinking that I lived this perfect life free of struggles in homeschool, then avert your eyes. I’m about to burst your bubble.
Why talk about this? Because I want you to know you’re not alone. If you struggle with homeschooling, or even family life around homeschooling, it’s normal. We all have issues. If we’re not careful, it can get very discouraging and many people quit over mom guilt or just not feeling like they can “do it”. I want you to know that all of this is normal, and feeling down can absolutely happen. I usually get in a funk every couple of years, but I know it’s just my emotions and I push through it. I never regret it. I acknowledge that I’m feeling down, and then figure out what’s bothering me. Sometimes it’s just a curriculum that I’m struggling to finish, or it’s the mounting papers that keeps growing and I just don’t want to go through filing it. Or maybe one of my kids is giving me a hard time because he’s also going through something. It’s happened before and we worked through it together. I’m so glad I did, because he’s so much happier now.
Here’s where I’ve been struggling this year….and things I’m committed to changing.
I struggle to get up early these days.
I’m in a season of life where I’m struggling when it comes to getting up early. Just a few short years ago, I was up at 5am, going on runs and doing my Crossfit workout before my household woke up. It was so much easier then. My genetic disorder hadn’t resurfaced yet. My husband was getting up between 4-5am for work too, and I would help him get out the door. My kids were younger and getting up earlier. Life was in a different season.
At the moment, my kids are growing like weeds in the teenage years, and they are starting to sleep a bit more. This has been such a mercy from the Lord for me, as I also require more sleep now. The medication I have to take to regulate my migraines and my CVS has me sleeping in longer, and needing more time to get moving in the morning. Most days, our school day starts between 9-10am. I’m okay with that, since my boys are more independent now, and they don’t require me as much as they have in the younger years.
However, I’m trying to make a point to get up earlier this spring and start our day. I hate losing that time. It makes me feel lazy and I have to keep reminding myself that my body needs more care than it did just 5 years ago. The guilt is still there, though.
Work & Homeschool Balancing Act
It’s something I’ve struggled with since the beginning of this homeschooling journey; how do I balance work and homeschooling? There are days where I feel the guilt crushing me because I have to work. I work at home, I’m a SEO tech (I rank people’s websites on Google) and I’m a coach where I teach people how to do the same thing through training and courses. Creating these takes a lot of time. Not to mention, I have my Handmade Homeschooler duties (youtube, managing my group, creating downloads, etc). It all takes a lot of hours, and a lot of me. I know it’s better that I do this then send them to public school so I can work free of distractions, but it’s not easy. I’ve made a lot of sacrifices to do this. This year, I want to make more time to do things with my kids, and if at all possible, start working a little less.
Finding our Groove took a While
I’m the first to admit that we switched curriculum more times than I liked. It took us a while to figure out what clicked for each child and what worked best for them. The things I wanted to work sometimes just didn’t work for one child or the other. I had to let go my dreams of certain homeschools that were not my own, and embrace the reality of what I had. It’s hard to not dream up this fantasy life when you look at pinterest for any length of time. I had visions of my children working together, creating masterpieces on a farmhouse table with unit studies while I took pictures that look like they belong in a magazine for my Instagram. The reality? They work better independently, wanted their own, traditional “school desks”, and they work better with traditional curriculum versus the Charlotte Mason style that I wanted. I had to let go of my vision, and love my children where they were. It took a few years, but we’re in a good place now. I still have another curriculum change to announce, but for now, we’re just enjoying where we are.
I am disorganized, and I can admit it.
Okay, I admit it. I’m disorganized. I try to be better about it. Every year I tell myself the same thing, “we are going to file away things weekly. We’re going to get the paper under control”. Does it happen? Ehhh….sometimes. I’m making a point this week to file and organize papers, but I need to be more regular about it. This week, I’m going to tackle that HUGE pile of papers, file them, and get rid of that monster.
It’s been a while since we had “fun”
The guilt. This year was a very “off” school year for us. My illness got really bad about a month after we started school. I spent over 6 months in daily, excruciating pain from my CVS. I bounced back and forth from the ER, hospital, and different doctors. It took 6 months to find a solution to get me back to my “normal”. So far, it’s been 2 months since I had that pain, and I feel like I’ve come out of a fog. Unfortunately, we couldn’t really do any family things, had to cancel our vacation to the Ark. I cried for days over it. It was our first vacation in over 5 years, and I couldn’t go, none of us could.
Now I’m starting to feel better, the weather is getting warmer, and I’m ready to get back out there. I want to do everything! I have so many ideas. The gas prices are out of control though, so it all has to be here locally, and we don’t have many things here to do. I’m going to have to get creative. They deserve to have fun after the disastrous 6 months we’ve had. They helped take care of me, the house, and still did school through it all. I have a couple of really cool kids, if I haven’t mentioned that. I want to surprise them with something fun very soon, even if it’s something little.
So I ask you, what do you struggle with? What do you want to change?
Until next time,
Soli Deo Gloria,
Mandy
